DD: Fry Me Up Some Love

“How much kissing practice does one person need?” Elias asked, watching Audra kissing her reflection in a frying pan with distaste. The sound of the guardian’s voice caught her attention and she looked up from her beloved, eyeing Elias suspiciously while hugging the pan to her chest. “She doesn’t need any practice,” Audra declared. “She’s perfect just the way she is. You’re just jealous!”

Elias took a step back in alarm. “Who doesn’t need practice? I was talking to you!” he protested, holding his hands up and looking thoroughly confused. Audra, offended, got to her feet, shaking the polished frying pan at him threateningly. “You stay away from her! You’ll scare her off with that grumpy look and unruly hair and she’s mine!” she shouted at him, then noticed that the girl had gone. She looked all around and didn’t see the lovely face any more. “You see? You’re a public menace!”

Audra screeched in rage, raising the frying pan over her head as she glared at him. Elias, unnerved by this sudden shift in mood, bolted like a rabbit in the most dashing and dignified way possible. His attempt at flight, however, only roused her hunting instincts. With a shriek, she was after him, bare feet pounding the floor as she hurdled over the kitchen wreckage strewn across the floor, waving the pan wildly and finally managing to smack him soundly on the head.

Elias keeled over, stunned and dizzy from the blow and she tripped over his legs as he toppled, winding up sitting on his chest. Triumphant at having taken down the one who had frightened off her love, she settled on him more securely, if haphazardly. In the end she half knelt on his chest, her left foot braced beside his head and her shin pressing lightly down on his throat with her right leg tangled up with his left arm. With a gleeful crow, she hefted the frying pan again… and caught sight of her reflection in the bottom.

Elias was forgotten (despite the fact that he was groaning in a pained way and starting to struggle) as she stared at herself, enraptured. “Oh! You didn’t leave! I’m so glad!” she cooed, petting the polished surface. Distantly she noticed that he beloved’s skin felt like metal, but the infection made that a fascinating quirk.

Elias thrashed under her and she rode him like a bronco, volleyball-strengthened thighs from jumps and dives clamped down harder on him, his left arm squeezed and greater pressure on his throat. She barely noticed what he had done, too busy nuzzling the pan and waxing rhapsodic on the beautiful face.

His steadily-more-desperate thrashes and unhappy gurgles went unacknowledged, though she did comment on each freckle adorning her reflected face. “I could gaze forever, making constellations of the irregular points,” Audra said lovingly, smiling as she eyed one particular freckle that she found particularly attractive on the smooth forehead. “Your face is more radiant than stars, and the sun is dim compared the the brightness of your eyes. Who needs the night sky when I could gaze upon your face, framed by the blazing inferno that is your hair.”

Her beloved glanced down shyly when Audra stared at her lips, and then they were kissing again. Elias underneath her was getting lightheaded as she cut off his air and wondering if this is how he would die, pinned under an unusually well-covered Audra while she dreamily licked a frying pan and wrote it love poetry. He was almost unconscious when a swish of purple and yellow fabric overhead heralded his rescue.

Faven propped her fists on her hips, taking in the sight of one of her apprentices trying to get to second base with a frying pan while one of the water guardians turned purple underneath her, with her leg across his throat. The pint-sized master rolled her eyes and dug out another piece of cure-all chocolate.

Waving it in front of Audra’s face had no effect, though hearing Audra say, “You coy little minx, what kind of shirt doesn’t come off,” as she fiddled with the frying pan’s handle combined with Elias’ faint whimpers decided her.

Faven rolled her eyes and tried again, attempting to push the pan aside to get a clear line on her student. “Audra... I see you're rather smitten with your reflection,” she said. “And while you two make a rather adorable couple, I think you should take this. See, they gave this to me to give to you later. But I'm giving it to you early. You wouldn't want to disappoint your precious ref- I mean lover. Right?” Faven was practically shouting by the end but to no avail. Audra clutched the handle and ignored everyone around her in favor of her own face in the bottom of the frying pan.

“I’m sorry Audra, but this is for your own good,” she said, seizing the pan and yanking it out of her student’s hands. The master took advantage of the young wizard’s confusion and open mouth to pop the chocolate in. “You need to stop snogging this frying pan and get off of the nice guardian who is being stupidly gentlemanly and not throwing you off,” she said with exaggerated patience as Audra automatically chewed and swallowed, some sanity returning to her face.

“Good,” Faven said as Audra practically jumped off of Elias, grimacing with burning cheeks as he coughed and gasped, rolling over onto his side and curling up a bit. “Geez… those bugs…” Audra mumbled, looking around for anything else to talk about. The swarm in the kitchen area was mostly contained, though they had made a proper mess of all of Nora’s equipment. Other apprentices were starting to venture closer, picking up the loose pieces.

“....Sorry,” Audra said, and Aveline responded to her wizard’s desire gladly, popping into her skin. The light wizard dropped to one knee beside Elias, brushing her hand over his throat and tapping into her magic to heal the abused tissue. “Sorry about that,” she said again, smiling at him before looking away and retreating, actually feeling embarrassed for once.

Rather than try to apologize more for something that had been out of her control, Audra focused on driving away the last of the insects, resulting in a few small pops that stunned bugs as she used her new offensive power, then began to gather up the scattered bits of Nora’s paraphernalia, starting with the frying pan she had been recently intimate with.